The Emotive Self
A State of Hyper-Self-Criticality
Today I sat with a friend and we discussed the many and varied ways in which we respond as emotive beings to the myriad of sensations we experience as a human being.
What surprises me is that it seems many people have no idea or clue as to what state of being they are actually resonating in or at most the ethereal expression; "... how they resonate for others." I am particularly interested in this area of cognitive awareness and its affiliation with self therapy, because by gaining and reflecting on what state we occur in we can act with better awareness as to how other people receive us.
Let me give you an example.
We all face a certain reality of frustration of not being able to succinctly 'resolve' a state of disharmony expressed by others at times in our lives. Along with that an impatience we can then transpose a solutions seeking behaviour onto others, who are generally and simply only asking to be heard.
That simple state of stillness, listening and acknowledging the facts and emotive state of the other person means we can be present to that other persons expression, knowing the complexities of feelings that person may be working through. Rather than alienating ourselves from that other persons quandary we can be present to it but not be possessed by it either.
Fusion
When we look at what constitutes those various states of emotional ‘being’, we might move through one waking state into another in fast unison.
The Plutchik's Colour Wheel of Emotion suggests everything is interconnected yet diametrically aligned in polarity, however I would posit that unlike the diagram, there are instances where two or more of these states are experienced in unison (simultaneously).
We are also sadly led to believe by medical professions that our constant state of anxiousness can only be ‘solved’ when our emotive state is chemically balanced; that flat line of good capitalist consumer submission. Again, we would need to acknowledge that many of these emotive states may predominate through periods of our lives which often influenced by the proximity of significant others.
Therefore, there is a need for us to each examine where the essence of our behaviours originate from rather than simply using basic emotional states to excuse our flailing grasp for perfect harmonious reality. Life and relatedness with other humans is far more complex and beautiful than segmented emotive states although the proximal associations are often good starting points for discussions and debates.
Four Quadrants (Domains)
I posit that to consider where others fit into our lives means taking the time out to sit and muse in our own mangle/tangle of self awareness. This is a pointless exercise if our inner voice, the egoic self, has dominated our ‘thinking me’ space. The capacity to sit in simply ‘being’ or relative stillness is perhaps one of the most critical states to attain before tackling the ‘Four Quadrants’ contemplation.
Essentially we can think of our relatedness with others through four (4) simple domains; (a) our spiritual association; (b) the busy and often relentlessly noisy emotional space; (c) the intellectual curiosity of what we see in the other; and (d) our physical (sexual / intimate) connection. In a state of of listening (the reciprocal act of giving and receiving) we then realise that the main conjunction is that concept cluster we often call ‘love’.
Through expressions of love, all four quadrants are activated and we can relate with others in fullness, as love is boundless and does not covet, bind or have an expression of ownership over others. Our active engagement with Country (our moral compass) then ensures we continually reach points of grounded awareness, although in reality most of our relatedness with others occurs within one or two of those domains whilst the others lack or aren’t apparent at that time of musing.
Our emotive state can ricochet around as we feel those domains rise and fall in our relatedness with others, yet the four quadrants remain as pillars of consistent value - something we can all become aware of and use to maintain healthy connections and friendships with others.